THE YEAR'S BEST
[actual]
HEADLINES OF 2004:

Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
[imagine that!]

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[no, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[now that's taking things a bit far!]

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[not if I wipe thoroughly!]

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[what a guy!]


Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[see if that works any better than a fair trial!]


War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[you think?!]


Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[who would have thought!]


Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[they may be on to something!]


Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]


Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]


New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[weren't they fat enough?!]


Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]


Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Tastes like chicken?]


Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]


Hospitals are Sued by Seven Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]


And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
(Can you believe it?)


END

p.s Oh well, I found this on one of my emails. What better way to update the blog than pasting this while I'm on the 'malas' mode.